Bullies at The Playground
Today we took Aiden to the park for a picnic and to get some much needed social interaction. Well, today's park trip started off like most do. Aiden was excited to see a group of kids playing, as we approached, I was immediately concerned. Concerned, because my eyes have been trained to immediately pick up on group play. You know the type of group play where all the kids are all playing together...at the same activity? The scene most parents think of as being “cute” is the same one that leaves me tense and on edge. On edge, because I know fully well that when pretend play involves ALL the children on a play structure several things are certain:
Firstly, these children are playing an elaborate and detailed game...one Aiden won't be able to follow.
Secondly, these kids are going to want him to either follow the rules of the game, (which he won’t know how to do), or stay out of their way and not talk to them at all, (which he also won’t be doing).
So we went through the usual... Aiden got excited to see other kids but didn't understand the pirate game they were playing. First he got asked if he wanted to play with them but he said “no”. Experience has taught him to say no. He knows if he says yes their “game rules” will be too confusing for him and he will get ridiculed. So, he decided he didn't want to play their game but he continued trying to talk to them and be friendly. This, of course, annoys the kids whose game he is now interrupting. Aiden then gets repeatedly told things like, "Dude, just leave us alone" "WHY are you playing over here?" etc.
I intervened from time to time, but there is only so much you can do. Aiden had eagerly waited to play at THAT Park on THAT specific playground… getting him to leave wasn't happening… and I can't very well force other people to take their kids elsewhere.
The day was shaping up to be like most days are when I try to get him experience playing with neurotypical kids. I begin feeling sorry for myself thoughts like, “Why do I even try?” “We should have just stayed home!” and “I know I can’t fight all his battles for him but this is painful to watch” fill my brain. I begin to tear up, sometimes trying to help him just hurts him and doesn’t even seem worth it.
Eventually, the kids left and Aiden wanted to stay. At this point, it was close to getting dark so I figured he’d have the place to himself and could cheer himself up a bit before we left. I didn’t even see the truck pull up and only spotted it after a little boy appeared. He was clearly older then Aiden. “Great just great, so much for leaving the park on a happy note”, I thought.
You see, oftentimes, Aiden can handle interactions with one child but when he is already on edge you can forget it. I stood up prepared to tell him it was time to leave, when I watched the boy happily bounce up to Aiden. He said, “Hey! You wanna play?!” Aiden smiled, but just stood there. The little boy smiled and ran off to the slide, Aiden followed. When Aiden got to the top of the slide with the boy, the boy had paused. He was a little afraid to go down the slide at first or was pretending to be. This made Aiden DELIGHTED because he is often scared of the slides initially. I’m not sure he had ever encountered another child who felt the same. Aiden slid down the slide, ran back up to the boy and yelled, “You can do it! Just go down there…see?!” The boy slid down and they both cheered. From there they ran around playing from activity to activity laughing and smiling. He even got Aiden to do the standing see-saw thing that he can’t normally climb onto by himself. Aiden struggled and pulled until he could get up on the seesaw the other boy waiting patiently, again, wearing a big smile. This little boy was so precious! When Aiden would make off the wall comments the boy would just laugh and smile, he took it ALL in stride. Such a laid back friendly attitude for such a young boy. I have NEVER seen a child be quite so patient.
I felt compelled to tell the boy's parents just how amazing their son was. They were still sitting in the truck facing the playground with the windows down watching the kids play. I was nervous, but I approached their car and said, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to let you know your son is precious and you’re doing a great job. My son has autism, and all the other kids that were here earlier have been bullying him”…I started to sob, fought back tears, and continued, “But your son, he is just being so understanding and so good with him, and I just wanted to let you know you are doing an amazing job raising him!” I started back with the tears, embarrassed, I was being so emotional to complete strangers. I managed to spit out “you all have a good night!”, and turned on my heels, leaving the mother smiling so big. The father happily yelled out “You have a good evening too ma’am!”
They later got out of the truck to watch the kids play for a bit both smiling ear to ear. The mother was glowing. I am so glad I made their day because their son certainly made mine. I didn’t catch the boy’s name but I think I heard him say Gabe or Gage at one point.
It feels so good to know there are people out there teaching their children to be so accepting of differences between themselves and other children. It isn’t enough to teach your child to be good to kids who they can tell are physically different, Autism is not visible to the eye. Children need to learn to be accepting of others who simply behave differently. You cannot tell by looking at my child that the part of his brain that affects social interaction is developing at a much slower rate than his peers. Teach your children to be laid back, easy going, and willing to roll with the punches; this will help them, not only learn kindness towards others, but also in life.
